Sad endings: The Divorce

February 5, 2015

And I never, ever, ever wanted to write this song
I always thought things would change somehow
And we would start getting along but it’s hopeless
-of Montreal, “No Conclusion” (2007)

This post sat unpublished for a few months (and saw the deletion of a Paul Simon quote), but you may as well know: After +/-10 fun and loving years and then some less amazing and less wonderful times, Nicole and I have decided to divorce. I think we can still be good friends. We both love Zoe very much. I know we’ll both be happy again once the dust settles.

This decision has been in the works for a long time, but I wasn’t prepared for how sad it made me feel once the reality set in. On some days, this unknown path seems manageable. On some other days, and even at some unexpected moments within good days, it feels like I’m surfing on sadness beach and the waves are rough and keep pummeling me. Divorce, even when done civilly, has an easy way of making you feel like a balloon that has had all its air replaced by melancholy.

Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to not let passion and love get replaced by the blandness of routine. Strive to never take each other for granted. Be kind even when it isn’t easy. Don’t hold on to anger. Be aware of how good things are while you’re in the moment. Don’t worry so much.

Being an adult is really something. John Mulaney has spoken eloquently on the experience: “…and by the way, part of me was like ‘whatever’, you know? You know those days when you’re like ‘this might as well happen.’ Adult life is already so goddamn weird.”

2015 is going to be an interesting year.

If you see me around, encourage me to keep working on my 10k training.

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